Who is to blame for
our African sons’ underachievement and delinquency?
What do you see at college graduation ceremonies or when you
honor invitations to graduation parties? Have you wondered aloud or silently:
“Where are the men?” If you’ve not asked, you’re part of the problem.
When we noticed this phenomenon of scarcity and underachievement of Nigerian men, we wrote an essay on May 26,
2019. The essay was entitled “How Come Your Nigerian Daughter is a Medical
School Graduate and Your Son a homeless Addict?” Read more: http://chatafrik.com/articles/nigerian-affairs/how-come-your-nigerian-daughter-is-a-medical-school-graduate-and-your-son-a-homeless-addict#.XQCbeBZKjIU
We noticed a pair of things that prompted this essay. The
first is the dearth of our African sons on campuses while females feature predominantly
among students receiving college and high school diplomas. The second thing is
that far more women than men are grabbing the professional degrees in medicine,
law, and pharmacy.
Who are these female graduates going to marry if our sons
fall by the wayside or end up in the criminal justice system? What will be the
nature of Nigerian families headed by educated females without husbands?
Do you ever ask questions you ought to be asking? What is
happening to our African sons in the United States of America to make them do
worse than those at home? Why aren’t they going to school and graduating? Why
aren’t they achieving as they should with all the opportunities America
provides?
This essay answers these questions and attempts to provide
help for parents confronted with sons who appear to be delinquent and
underachieving.
A delinquent son is one who is criminally minded, aberrant, antisocial,
offending, or refusing to go to school when he should. He disobeys parents, fails
to follow rules, and opposes things family holds sacred. He hangs out with friends doing nothing, just
chilling out.
An underachieving son is one who is disappointing,
floundering, drifting, or underperforming on tasks. An underachiever is most
likely to drop out of school and end up doing things that make parents and
society ashamed, not proud of them.
Nigeria is not America. Africa is different from America in
so more ways than one? The cultures are dissimilar. In Nigeria, for instance, the
pressure is on men to marry, have children, and head families, while wives play
supportive roles to provide nurturance and ensure that rules are followed,
everything is going smoothly in the family.
In Africa, especially in Nigeria, orderliness in family and
community is valued, and sons are responsible for managing this neatness or
tidiness. Men maintain the decorum. Decorum
Is defined as the dignity, propriety, sedateness, or correctness without which things
fall apart and no family can survive.
There is hope and there are things parents can do to handle
the problem of lack of men at graduations. Ask your sons questions about what
is going on in their heads. The importance of questions cannot be
overemphasized nor underrated.
Here is the bottom line: our sons are underachieving because
we men and fathers also are underachievers. Although Nigerians are said to
acquire more college degrees than any other immigrant group, yet the Nigerians
in US are underachievers. For every successful Nigerian there seem to be 10 or
more who have done nothing with their lives.
We make bold to say that thousands of underachieving Nigerian
men have been in America for 10, 20, 30, or 40 years without acquiring even a
diploma in things as mundane as housekeeping/ janitorial service, auto mechanics,
or word processing. Ask relevant questions about these underachieving old folks.
Our hope is dashed when dozens of Nigerian taxi drivers in
New York, Washington DC, Chicago and other mega cities, have Master’s and PhD
diplomas (in political science, economics, public administration or
international relations) tucked in their cars’ booths. We should ask why these
PhD’s can’t use their knowledge to teach or do research.
We shouldn’t be tired of asking questions. Ask your son pointed
questions concerning his interests in life, such as why men are not interested
in school, why they appear to have interests other than education.
Interest in sex and fucking women seems to control minds of
many Nigerian underachieving boys, keeping them away from schools.
This writer once ran into a group of Nigerian young women surrounding
one Nigerian men, all recent college graduates. While the women were discussing
their future (for the PhD, PharmD, and MD), the lone man was listening
attentively.
The writer barged into the group with questions: “Why are
you women struggling to better yourselves, and why is this man (pointing at the
lanky fellow) not doing or saying much?”
They said, “He’s going for the Pharm D.”
“Why can’t he go beyond just PharmD to grab the PhD?” I
asked.
They said, “There’s no PhD in pharmacy.”
“That’s a lie” I shot back. “There are the MS and PhD in
pharmacology.”
The truth is that our Nigerian young men are lazy, indolent,
idle, lethargic, languid, sluggish; they
seem to be always thinking about sex,
beer, and enjoying easy life of loafing.
Young Nigerian women massively contribute to the delinquency
and underachievement of their male counterparts in devilish ways. Women provide
easy sex for men eager for pussy. Men think all they need to survive are sex
from women, some alcohol and drugs, and a little money.
To cut a long story short, underachieving African men, too
lazy to forge ahead, become willing sex slaves for college-educated African women.
Sex-starved overachieving women descend upon
male underachievers as vultures go down on carcasses.
Sex-starved young professional women use men’s
underachievement as drugs to capture their victims’ attention, creating a
victor-vanquished relationship where women want the women to remain financially
dependent on women despite the fact the men are academically disappointing, underperforming,
floundering, and drifting.
Here is the predictable conclusion: let’s pull our young
sons from the abyss of listlessness, also known as laziness, or
underachievement by prodding them along and being persuasive role models.
Let’s help the man by telling our young women to stop. “Stop encouraging men to not achieve; stop giving
easy sex to our young men; make them go achieve something, and then come back
for marriage.”
Tell our young people just to have the MD is not the end of the
journey, Universities have the MD/PhD, MD/JD, and JD/PhD joint programs for motivated
persons.
Tell them that the JD (Juris Doctor) is first professional
degree; it does not entitle one to be called Doctor. If you want to be called Doctor, you must go
beyond JD to the LLM (Master of Laws) and finally grab the JSD (Doctor of Juridical
Science).
There is no end to knowledge. Continue to ask our children questions about
achieving higher goals, and to not accept ike ogwugwu (Igbo for tiredness) as
an excuse for underachievement. Ask questions.
Ask your boys what their thoughts are about their future,
the future of their families. What is the future of black African families without
black men achieving to their fullest potential?
Ask your sons to ask parents questions of their own, such as
why college is important, and why one cannot join the military and postpone
school for a while, and why can’ t a man seek employment now after high school.
Nigerian patents ought to demonstrate genuine caring for
their children and for themselves. Shower yourself with love by doing what
gives you happiness. Shower your son with genuine love but do it correctly.
Love is much more than buying expensive cell phones, iPhone,
and other electronic gadgets. Love also involves demanding respect and being
responsible from your son. Impress it upon your son that he must do things to
make you, himself, and the family proud, proud to hold heads up in nganga (Igbo
for pride),not to hide face in shame.
It pays to talk about your faith in God and the central
place God occupies in your family affairs. Accompany or let your son accompany
you to a place of worship and Bible study. Get to know your children’s friends
and relations.
Being in the midst of under achieving peers makes one
underachieve, Notice how iron sharpens iron. Tell your son so. Teach your sons
to choose friends carefully as a bird is known by who it flocks with.
Teach your son the importance of saving and investment. Demonstrate
how to save part of monies earned from part-time jobs in bank’s saving account
as an investment that earns rich dividends.
Do not spoil your child with expensive car in high school.
This writer bought each of his three sons a used Honda vehicle which they maintained
during college with money earned on part-time jobs.
Share the stories of your life’s struggles - at school,
work, marriage, and raising a family- with your sons. Show that life is not
always honey and pancakes; there are splinters, thorns and tears too along the way.
Give your son choices without being too dictatorial or
hard-nosed. For example, when one father found his son was resistant to becoming
a medical doctor because of the long years involved, the father suggested physician
assistant or nursing.
Do things together with your son. Such together things may
include eating delicious family dinners, speaking the native dialect, and going
on vacations to Nigeria to meet grandparents, cousins, and old friends you have
left behind.
Travel round the world through reading together and surfing
the internet. Read wide, laugh out aloud, embrace a lot, and pray earnestly. It
shall be well with you and family.
Humans learn through observation, modeling behavior and
attitudes of significant others, especially parents. Look around you at your
African (Nigerian) friends, men and women your age or in your circle of acquaintances.
Although Nigerians are said to acquire more higher education
and degrees than any other immigrant group, yet the Nigerians in US are mostly underachievers.
There are thousands of underachieving Nigerians who have
been in America for 10, 20, 30, or 40 years without acquiring even a diploma in
things as mundane as housekeeping/ janitorial service, auto mechanics, or word
processing.
Posted Wed., June 12, 2019
Dr. James C. Agazie, jamesagazie@gmail.com;
jamesagazies.blogspot.com
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