HOW  CAN WE HELP FOLKS BACK HOME TO HELP THEMSELVES?

What a wild time to be a Nigerian!  It is a time of crises . Our families and nation are at a crossroad of whatever. The very fabric of Nigerian society is under attack at various fronts, including leadership led by a hateful religious group, crimes perpetrated by nomads, the use of state apparatus to intimidate young protesters, and violence unleashed upon unsuspecting groups. Drugs coupled with indiscipline are everywhere.  Read to the end of this essay to see useful suggestions to combat problems discussed herein.

Under Buhari, our ship is unsteady. In fact, the vessel is wobbly, shaky, rickety, wonky. The question being asked is how to help. We help by laying the foundation of honesty and positive psychology. Positive psychology is the pursuit of happiness in the face of sadness, deaths, unemployment, underemployment, and divorce, 

It seems to that when the going gets tough, the psychologically and positively tough people get going. Positive psychology is an umbrella term for the study of positive emotions a person gets from  being happy and  at peace with how one’s life has gone  in the past, is going in the present, and will go in the future.  

This paper focuses on some of the factors that are related to the unhappiness of young people in Nigeria, particularly in urban areas. It appears that like Charlie (fictitious), Nigeria’s young people are not focused because of loss of direction. Young Nigerians are drinking large quantities of alcohol to deal with frustration and lack of direction. They are dabbling in occult and other questionable get-rich-quick schemes. They need to be taught positive psychology or ways to extricate self from extreme dishonesty.

    

The conclusion is not far-fetched that, although life is hard, things are not as bad and unmanageable in Nigeria as people want us to imagine. Difficulties of life are not meant to make us bitter but better. Young Nigerians are often heard to complain a lot about how life is tough at home.

Of all the things that retard progress and make things not go right in Nigeria, dishonesty and greed top the list. Corruption is the chief. Corruption is defined as deceit, deceitfulness, fraudulence, lying, untruthfulness, treachery, or duplicity.  

The challenge for all Nigerians  with love of Naija in their hearts is this: How do you teach honesty in the face of the leaders and parents who are lying, deceitful, false, untruthful, fraudulent, corrupt, unfair, and insincere?

Some Nigerians  would like to be under a government other than Buhari’s, and others prefer a government that has a bag of panaceas. A panacea is a cure-all, magic portion, magic bullet, or universal remedy. One who waits for a panacea is a believer in fairy tales and one who does not mind waiting forever.  A panacea is for those who do not believe that hard work pays off or that honest labor bears a lovely face.

Our relatives would like to have us living overseas to wire money to them by Western Union as often as possible. Can life be so unbearably hard that a little thinking, knowledge of positive psychology, and shift in attitudes would not help? Who would like to have a bunch of crying babies who are perpetually unable to quit moaning, wailing, or pulling on Momma’s apron string?

The idea for this essay germinated during this writer’s two-week visit to his village in the former Eastern Region where he communicated with several relatives he was committed to helping and who seek assistance to better cope with some of the problems the relatives are facing in their daily living activities. This writer does not mind helping if and only if relatives will do the right thing.

In conversations with the relatives, there was a sincere desire to help rather than an attempt to laugh at, belittle, or make light of a relative’s difficulties. The conversations did not involve insults or unpleasant comparisons, such as “You’re lazier than I am, and if I were you I would do this and that”or “In America, we do it like this.” Such conversations yield resentment and complaints.

Nigerians have a habit of always complaining. They are often expecting the government and others to do everything for them. They also expect financial support to pour in to them from around the universe, especially from relatives living overseas in Britain, and America. We know friends who are under compulsion to rescue “starving” relatives. The well-meaning but misinformed friends I had contacted about this essay keep telling me: “there’s hunger in the land.”

It is a dangerous thing to keep helping relatives who believe one helping them has an inexhaustible supply of cash. Relatives soon become dependent and lose respect for persons doing the helping and when further freebies are not forthcoming or when the perks, handouts, or giveaways cease falling down from heaven as manna fell during the Exodus of Moses, the people you are helping are apt to get angry with you, attack you, or rob you due to their attitude of entitlement.

Rampant complaints obfuscate the real issues. A 45-year-old relative named Lillian (fictitious) complains of the difficulties she is having to stretch her teacher’s monthly salary of N90,000 (250 dollars) to cover the cost of a two-room flat she and her husband are renting at N250,000 (695 dollars) per year.

This writer had paid N83,334 which is exactly one-third of the yearly rent last year while the relative and her husband were responsible for the remaining two-thirds (or N166,666). In Igbo, there is a thing called afo ojuju or satisfaction that comes when the stomach is filled with foofoo. Relatives are rarely satisfied. 

   

When Lillian and her husband did not have afo ojuju, and were asking for further assistance with rental fee this year, we suggested a budgeting system whereby the couple could set aside 10% of the rent (or N25,000)  each month. They should save the rent money in a bank. They are told not to keep the money hidden in a secret place in the rental property where visitors, housemaid, or landlord can gain access to it.

Because Lillian has a college degree in education with a concentration in food science, it was suggested that she ought to look into supplementing her income with other activities, such as selling baked foods such as cakes, chin-chin, pies, akara balls, and moi-moi on weekends. 

Lillian can also provide nutritional information for a fee as a dietitian. She could help people seeking nutritional advice on how to reduce weight or feed their families better than the usual four starchy meals of garri, pounded yam, pounded cassava, and yam porridge. Akamu (corn starch) is usually taken for breakfast.

Why can’t Lillian look into starting a tutorial center or daycare for which her training in education has prepared her? Nigerian schools are often closed due to teacher strikes owing to nonpayment of teacher salary or some other disagreements.

The Nigerian governor and his hand-picked thieves serving on the board of education can decide to invest money meant for teachers’ salaries in a private business that earns profits for the governor and his ilk while teachers suffer in silence. Schools can be closed for weeks or months when teachers are not compensated for their services.  This writer saw several children in the villages playing unsupervised around the open eye-sore gutters during the two weeks schools were out.

A little tutorial or coaching in mathematics, reading, study skills, and science at Lillian’s private school would go a long way to enable Nigeria’s children to retain skills which might be lost during the periods schools are closed.

Why Nigeria’s  teachers are unwilling to consider opening day care or private schools which others can manage while owners are at work, beats my imagination. On inquiry, this writer discovered that the reason why teachers are not opening private schools is the problem  of the dearth or deficiency of trusted employees. It takes a thief to know a thief. The persons you employ to run your business might be stealing from and destroying your business.

It appears that everyone in Nigeria is busy robbing everyone else. Nothing seems to matter or move well in an atmosphere of crass dishonesty. Kleptomania is a better term. In Nigeria, a person infected with the cancer of kleptomaniac dishonesty is insensitive, tactless, stupid, obtuse, inane, ridiculous, gross, and blundering. Dishonest affects men and women, wives and husbands, in specific ways.

Charlie,  is a 50-year-old father who is responsible for taking care of his 8-year-old daughter, his wife Lillian, and 12-year-old baby sitter. He is a petty trader whose retail business is not thriving well. He is failing in trading because, according to Charlie, his business was started with inadequate capital, and Lagos is a very competitive, dog-eat-dog, retail market environment.

We cannot overlook a simple truth that Charlie has failed to be honest with an uncle who helped to start the business for him. He refuses to provide an accounting or profit-and-loss statement of his business five years in a row.

Although honesty and loyalty are absolutely necessary in business, they are rare commodities to find in Nigeria, particularly among relatives.  This writer started an electrical supply retail business for a relative with the understanding that relative would provide periodic statements of profit and loss and apprise the writer of the progress the business is making. 

Charlie has not shown what he did with money he was given to start the business. Two of Charlie’s cousins had been in the electrical supply ventures for years and are very successful. The cousins were asked to help start a similar business for Charlie with the money this writer donated.  Charlie avoids discussing the business with the writer. He thinks he is clever and can fool the writer. Like most traders in Nigeria, Charlie is illiterate, having not attained the equivalent of the West African Examination Council (WAEC) or the General Certificate of Education (GCE).

Because Charlie dodges straight talks about the business and refuses requests to show the writer the location of his retail shop, I have backed out of backing Charlie in the business. The result is that there is no opportunity to assist Charlie to expand the business, and as such, this writer has stopped dealings with this relative. It is useless to continue to throw a gold ring at a swine.

It is said that a bad workman often quarrels with his tools. Dishonest relatives are the scum of the earth. Charlie complains of undercapitalization, and inability to obtain loans to expand his business, and he comes home most days with the story he has not made sales. He often says: “Business is not moving well today.”

It appears that Charlie is permanently unable to perform duties of a petty trader and ought to consider other lines of work. We suggested that he take on other duties, such as running errands for others, being a delivery man and chauffeur. Other options include raising chicken or pigs in the village. Knowing Charlie and his pride, it is doubtful he would consider leaving Lagos for the village. Big Lagos is addictive.

Monica, another relative, is a 55-year teacher who earns N90,000 (250 dollars) each month as a primary school teacher. Monica is single, and has no child to take care of. She says that she has no cell phone with internet access, and lives in a building with no light provided by a generator.

Monica presents a special problem in that she resists every suggestion she is given . She says: “This does not work in Nigeria,” or “This is not how we do things in Nigeria.”  My response to Monica is “if you knew what works in Nigeria and knew how things are done in Nigeria, why don’t you do it your way and stop asking for help?’

We suggested that Monica enroll at a nearby university for the Master’s degree  in education while continuing teaching in the classroom. She ought to figure out how to catch buses to and from a nearby university campus.

Charlie is coping well with his college-educated wife, and continues to take care of his daughter, baby sister, and to get along with neighbors. He uses positive psychology he has learned to get through the difficult time of bad business. Charlie says he is able to make it through by maintaining optimum happiness, optimism, resilience, and knowledge of what is behind hardship in society.

Nigeria’s young men appear to be lost; they are not focused because of lack of faith in their nation.

They experience loss of direction, and they are drinking large quantities of alcohol to deal with frustration and a sense of hopelessness and helplessness. They are dabbling in occult and other get-rich-quick schemes. They do not know themselves. They don’t know positive psychology or ways to extricate self from  extreme dishonesty. They say: “We’re poor and need employment.”

Positive psychology works well when the person being helped is honest and willing to accept and implement suggestions. Can they put useful suggestions to work? Positive psychology involves the courage, resilience, curiosity, knowledge of self, and integrity. Positive psychology also involves positive benefits one gets from the community institutions, such as the family, church , and peer groups. The more positive the emotions one gets from the community resources, the higher the level of happiness. Honesty is a critical factor in positive psychology.

Resilience is an important aspect of positive psychology. Resilience is what creates happiness in a person as a result of the person’s pliability, flexibility, elasticity, buoyancy, spirit, strength, or toughness.  Despite difficulties associated with their minority statuses in America, blacks appear to be happier than whites, though they have less social support than the whites. Blacks have better resilience than whites. Southerners, particularly the Igbos and Yorubas,  appear to have greater resilience than Hausas who have been shielded from toughness which life provides. Is that why Muslim men turn to violence to replace rigidity or lack of resilience?

Positive psychology is much more than positive thinking in that while a positive thinker thinks all is well, a person sold on positive psychology knows and is  conditioned  to always expect all to be well. Positive psychology involves equipping oneself with the arsenal to combat boredom and unhappiness with the past by using the wisdom of the ages: having gratitude and willingness to forgive others as well as to let go the unfairness of life.

Positive psychology examines whether we have wisdom and knowledge, whether we have courage and spirituality;  whether we love humanity; and whether we have a sense of justice and temperance. With  an outlook of happiness, one who believes in positive psychology seeks strategies for dealing with negative emotions by building hope, endurance, and optimism. He seeks to increase happiness in the present rather than dwell in the pains of yesterday or fear of tomorrow.

This essay leaves some useful suggestions::

1.      Nigerians ought not ignore or forego education as a life-long pursuit. We should pursue education at all ages since the benefit outweigh the drawback, and when an educated man is more likely to succeed in life than his uneducated counterparts.

Nigerian churches and mosques should get off emphasizing materialism or attendant corruption, and get on with the business of preaching the virtues of honesty, morality, uprightness, trustworthiness, rectitude, integrity, and correctness. Nigerians ought to abandon religious organizations that rob the poor while feeding parishioners with false pie-in-the-sky sermons and pastors fly around with jets bought with blood money.

2.      Adult education should be available in the cities and villages until Nigeria has at least the 50% literacy rate.

3.      Young Nigerians seeking to go into trading should first obtain at least the WAEC or GCE and preferably an undergraduate degree to improve chances of succeeding.

4.      Evening classes should be organized for those seeking to attain university degrees.

5.      We congratulate the Nigerian traders who obtain the MBA’s and law degrees while buying and selling their goods in the market.

6.      Young unemployed Nigerian graduates should continue to the graduate schools for advance degrees in order to provide the leadership Nigeria needs  in mathematics, science, engineering, and technology fields with the hope that employment opportunities will improve in the future.

Dr. James C. Agazie, jamesagazie@gmail.com, jamesagazies.blospot.com
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WE NIGERIANS NEEDN’T REMAIN MENTALLY  UNHEALTHY WHEN HELP IS AVAILABLE

In America, we often say, “The mind is a terrible thing to waste.” If I am sitting at  a public place dressed in rags and armed with a drum which I incessantly beat while singing out aloud, what do you think?. Your first thoughts would be: Here’s a crazy man! There is a popular Nigerian (Igbo) song known as  “ Akula! Obu Onye Ara” (Do not beat.  He/she is  a crazy person) . Are the minds of Nigerians  being terribly wasted? Are we a crazy people?

We are not crazy in the sense of being silly, unwise, foolish, or stupid. Rather, we are irrational in our thinking and behavior; destructive in national life, and do not give a damn about whose ox is being gored. The idiom “whose ox is being gored means that Nigerians do not care for neighbors’ feelings  so long as our selfish needs are indiscriminately satisfied even at the expense of public good or in  direct disregard for the nation’s well-being  

The purpose of this essay is to emphasize the point that we Nigerians do not enjoy good mental health. This is not meant for an insult. There is much truth in this. What do you think of the violence perpetrated by the common man, the kidnappings for ransom, the embezzlement of the entire budget by persons acting as fiduciary on behalf of Buhari and the suffering Nigerian populace?

The non-payment of teachers’ wages, the rigging of elections, and frequent strikes by the university staf and thousands of workers f all tell us that all is not well with Nigerians. We may be suffering some forms of mental  illnesses.. There is a reason to lament the increasing number of Nigerians with psychiatric problems.

The Africa Today describes the number of mentally ill Nigerians as  being “frightening” (Africatoday80gmail.com, November 29, 2011). Figures coming from Nigeria indicate that in a particular geographic area of Nigeria, the mentally ill patients increased from 28,000 in 2009 to 42,000 in 2010. If the statistics accurately reflect the situation, then it is safe to say that Nigeria has enormous numbers of mentally ill persons, perhaps in the millions.

It is very, very  shameful that, Nigeria has only 130 psychiatrists, 4 neuropsychiatric nurses, and 8 neuropsychiatric hospitals that attend to 170 million people. There is a direct link between poverty and mental illness such that poor countries tend to have larger segments of the population saddled with psychiatric issues. Read more: http://thinkafricapress.com/health/mental-health-remains-invisible-problem-africa

The ratio of psychiatrists to patients in Nigeria stands at 1 per 1million (that is, 0.01 per 100,000) as against the following U S statistics: 31.1 per 100,000 (Massachusetts); 16.5 per 100,000 (USA); 12.3 per 100,000 (in Augusta, GA); 12.14 per 100,000 (State of Arizona); 9.3 per 100,000 (Atlanta, GA); and 4.6 per 100,000 (Idaho).

That means that Atlanta alone has close to 1,000 times as many psychiatrists as the entire nation of Nigeria. Even the small potato State of Idaho beats Nigeria 461 to 0 in the number of psychiatrists. This is a shame on my country. It is a shame, disgrace ,embarrassment, dishonor, humiliation, indignity, ignominy, infamy, rather than a thing of pride.

The purpose of this essay is to pronounce shame on the Nigerian medical professionals in the West. What a shame for Atlanta Nigerian communities for sitting dormant while our people are losing their minds. It is urgent that the Federal Government of Nigeria should endeavor to lure surplus psychiatric professionals from the West. Of the 506 African psychiatrists in the United Kingdom, 214 (40%) are Nigerians.

It is reported that Lagos State government has placed the number of its mentally ill patients at 2 million or 14.1% of the population. There are no figures for Anambra, Imo, Abia, or Ebonyi but we would suspect that the number of psychiatric patients in the former Eastern Nigeria would far surpass, double, triple or even quadruple that of Lagos State. Why?

The reason is because the States in the former Eastern Nigerian were heavily desecrated by the killing of Ndigbo in the North during the pogrom; debased by sufferings Ndigbo endured when they ran home with bodies of dead relatives; and further despoiled by malnutrition and kwashiorkor occasioned by Chief Awolowo and Adekunle

Despite the horrors of Biafra, there is no evidence that Ndigbo children (now adults) have ever been treated for post-traumatic syndrome. These Nigerians are still suffering the devastating effects of the Civil War 50 years after the tragedy. SHALL WE SALUTE THE IGBOS FOR OVERCOMING THE HORRORS OF WAR WITH LITTLE OR NO ASSISTANCE FROM THEIR GOVERNMENT?It is suspected and rightly so that untreated mental health issues are related to young person's participation in protests and agitation for Biafra.

Experts blame the deterioration of mental health in Nigerian on “institution-based care practice” (involving hospitals, doctors, nurses and drugs), perhaps as opposed to “community-based care practice” (which involves health-care professionals, the patient, family, and entire community). Nigerians consider mental illness as a source of shame and embarrassment; Nigerians hide their mentally ill relatives in the villages when they should be seeking help for them. Nigerians living in Lagos, Abuja, Lagos, or Port Harcourt want to look and smell good by locking mentally ill relatives up in villages.

Therefore, ignorance of the causes and treatments of the disease of the mind helps to render the situation more hopeless. The mentally ill Nigerians are locked out of the public view.  Other possible causes of mental illness among Nigerians can be a number of the following:
(1)There are real stressful socioeconomic conditions in the country (akin to running from one part of the bush to another during the Biafran War in order to dodge bombings, and avoid being killed by Nigerian soldiers);  

(2) Bad governance at all levels coupled with massive unprecedented corruption;

(3) Helplessness and hopelessness children and adults experience on a daily basis (leading to low levels of self-esteem and increased drug use);

(4) Violence connected with cult, boko haran, witchcraft, kidnapping, MEND, MASSOB;

(5) Abject poverty or pennilessness ( $1 a-day wage pushes adults to engage in 419 and youth to robberies and extortions);

(6) Anxiety created by constant insecurity and apprehension (leading to depression or neurotic behavior);

 (7) Superstition is endemic in Africa: in the West, mental illness is believed to be genetically inherited or caused by some chemical imbalances in the body.

The African believes mental illness is caused by specific enemies or the ancestors, so you go after the enemy and kill him/her, and appease the ancestor through bloody sacrifices (one mentally ill Yoruba man was recently reported to have eaten the intestines of a woman on his witchdoctor’s advice), ostensibly as a cure for his malady As we look around the Nigerian communities in Atlanta, Lagos, and Abuja we see people trying hard to cope with mental difficulties the best they could, at exorbitant costs.

Nigerians consume large quantities of alcoholic beverages everyday as self-medication for mental imbalances. These Nigerians are alcoholics who go to their jobs with hangovers each day and manage to perform their duties and hold families together because society expects them to do so;

Nigeria is the clearinghouse for various types of illicit drugs coming from Asia on their way to the United States and Europe, and the number of Nigerian young users is skyrocketing;

There are thousands of “shanty” bars everywhere in Nigeria and people frequent these at odd hours of day and night to drink their sorrows away; There are hundreds of brothels (ashawo houses) along roadways and private houses of prostitution in residential areas where people go to ease the pain of bewilderment: One goes to “ashawo” and complain about your problems and she tells you, “Oga, make you pay me your money and make your worry go.”

Domestic violence is commonplace with men maiming or inflicting serious life-threatening injuries on wives (with fire, firearms, or machete) due to frustration; divorces and separations are frequent and unreported and often blamed on witchcraft problems, as a man may kick one wife out and bring in another younger one in the attempt to resolve psychiatric issues. Neighbors call the wife-changer “Big man”

Nigerians  spend countless hours plotting to amass wealth which they put to no good use other than to throw parties and “spray Naira”, while constant pursuit of money gives one a sense of mastery over personal failures in some areas;

Outdoor restaurants and beer parlors provide relief from worrying over personal and national problems: everyone aspires to the beer distributorship license.
Mental illnesses are treatable, and there are effective therapeutic interventions available, but the patient and family must seek help at the hands of modern professionals, not quackery.

Why must we hide diseases of the mind just as we once did with gonorrhea when we can openly treat these as easily as we treat malaria or headache? Ignorance is no longer bliss. Life is hard as it is, and every effort must be made to live it as comfortable as possible because “the mind is a terrible thing to waste”.

COPYRIGHTED 11/29/2011. PLEASE DIRECT COMMENTS TO Dr. James  C. Agazie, jamesagazie@gmail.com, jamesagazie.blogspot.com

PASTOR OR HUSBAND: WHO’S IN CHARGE OF THE HOME?

Essay contains some profanities. Readers’ discretion is advised.

Frank was jealous of his wife’s Pastor. An older Nigerian student who had emigrated from Nigeria a few years earlier and was enrolled at a college located in this writer’s Georgia community, Frank was such a  remarkable character he could not be easily forgotten, The big news was that Frank knocked the front teeth of Pastor Smith’s mouth in retaliation for simple loss of consortium. 

Consortium is the benefits a man derives from being married to his wife. The benefits include but are not limited to sex, companionship, groping, association, syndicate, and consideration,   Frank said his wife was performing wifely duties meant for him  to another man, and he did not like it. Not one bit.

Frank’s wife was an ardent devotee who enthusiastically was addicted to the pursuit of a pastor and his Pentecostal brand of sermons. Frank, described himself as a Catholic Nigeria-American who had served the Biafran army as Ojukwu’s aide de-camp; he was noted for doing the most unheard of, the most unthinkable, and the crudest thing the Nigerian community thought a student was capable of doing. He gave an upper cut and Pastor Smith’s teeth sounded like broken glass as they fell on the marble floor.

Readers ought to be mindful that, since my family has a long list of pastors, I find it uncomfortable, painful, a scratchy pain-in-the-ass for a student to drag a college official into a  private war against pastors. I have often avoided such embarrassment until Frank made one startling statement that was provocative and inflammatory. It was also rabble-rousing at the age when women are derailing men’s careers with sex harassment charges. Frank  said he didn’t like men to mess with “my pussy.” He shouldn’t have said that, coming from an older Nigerian.

“What did you just say, Frank?” I asked half amused and half annoyed..

“I said I don’t want anyone to tamper with my very own pussy, didn’t I say that? “ He responded defiantly.

Look trouble! Didn’t I say I didn’t wish to be entwined in Nigerian students’ palaver with women? That’s what I said. In my long career as Professor and Director of the Office of International Students on several U S campuses, the thorniest assignment I had had to contend with was  break up fights among students over such silly stories as “this man  stole my pussy” and “that bitch’s pussy used to be mine.”  

Nigerian men have developed sudden interest in American women since the last time I heard women from Nigeria were not better than, and in some cases, not worse than their American counterparts in discernible ways.  Already, Nigerian men do have problems with women from their home, and the situation is disheartening when the same Nigerians men are also having problems with American women.

Getting back to Frank’s statement about someone tampering with “my own pussy,” the statement  was particularly troubling. Does a man have a vagina? Who would want to mess with  a man who had a vagina? What did Frank mean by “my pussy” and “my very own pussy”? Pressed to elaborate, Frank went on to qualify his statement with another parable which was equally nonsensical. He said that “a wise monkey is a monkey who does not monkey with another monkey’s monkey.”

Look at trouble again! This writer is not good at interpreting parables, and certainly not used to dissecting a folktale or allegory from any one of those Nigerian tongue-twisting languages. Frank’s parable about a wise monkey monkeying or not monkeying with a monkey’s monkey, stuck in this writer’s mind like chicken pox stuck to you as a child when your parents thought you were dying from oko na  aru oku na isi awuwa (Igbo for body itch, fever, and headache).

The purpose of this essay is to talk about monkeys and how a particular monkey monkeyed around until there was a repercussion. The moral of the story is that men seeking to be husbands must beware of pastors who, like monkeys, are creating problems in the community from the pulpit. The problem has come to be known as the PPP (pulpit people palaver). It is time we found ways to hammer a ceasefire between pastors and warring complainants.

The complainants are the boyfriends or husbands of female church goers who, like flies, flock to churches their husbands have marked as “no fly zone.” Paying attention to this essay would create a better relationship between pastors and their parishioners, as well as prevent an embarrassing altercation from escalating in the future to the point where teeth are knocked out.

The monkey altercation is not a friendly chat. It is not just a childish argument, quarrel, disagreement, or exchange. It is an adult dispute, confrontation, or clash in which a monkey is asserting inflexible rights over those who are being accused of monkeying with this particular monkey’s monkey.

A right asserted in a monkey business is an inflexible one in that the assertion is unbending, uncompromising, obstinate, unyielding, intransigent, or simply strict. Such was the situation Frank was in as he protected “my very own pussy.” Complaints about pastor’s incursions into homes or pastor’s  instances of misbehavior are rampant, widespread, fecund. And it is not new. 

Pastoral misconduct has spanned generations, having originated at the Garden of Eden with our doting Great Grandparents.  Adam and Eve had Paradise all to themselves along with the right to do as they chose. They had a blithe, untroubled existence. Their only restriction was “don’t eat from that particular tree”. What that fruit was is the subject of this essay, if readers can exercise patience and a spirit of discernment or perspicacity as the story unfolds.

Our Great Grandparents were the luckiest human beings on earth. Trouble came when  jaywalker Pastor named Serpent strayed from his path and sauntered into an area Serpent was not supposed to be. Satan was an uninvited guest, a meddler, a trespasser, and thief. He often lied. As expected, trouble always comes na mberede (Igbo for suddenly, unexpectedly, surprisingly, or all at once).  

Frank’s trouble started quite capriciously in stages: In Stage One: a monkey sees a monkey he likes. In Stage Two: the monkey interferes, hinders, restricts the movement, attempts to interject or obstructs a monkey’s freedom of association.  In Stage Three:  a serious attempt is made to steal a pussy, and here is where frank comes in with his boxing gloves or bare fists.

In Stage Four, the thief is apprehended, or caught red-handedly. In Stage Five: an altercation (palaver or commotion) takes place. Why did Moses or whoever wrote the book of Genesis use an apple as disguise, mask, camouflage, masquerade, cover, cloak, front, or veneer to illustrate a point, namely, the danger of monkeying around with a sex organ belonging to another?

Why didn’t the Bible call a spade a spade, or just call a pussy a pussy? What is so shameful about calling pussy by name, such as otu, ikpu or vagina?  Didn’t the Lord create it just as He had created the ear, nose , pubic hair, or clitoris?

If you really want to know why the hiding and falsification of a body part, you’d better take it up Moses or Joshua who took assumed leadership after the death of Moses and who led the people into the Promised Land. If you are still not satisfied with the answer you have, you may take it to the Emory University’s Candler School of Divinity before a committee of Professors of Old Testament.

The point is that Frank knocked out the teeth of Pastor Smith (fictitious ) who was fiddling with his wife’s vagina. Frank called Pastor Smith a serpent, and believed the serpent that deceived Eve was a pastor who had a habit of monkeying with an unwary male monkey’s female monkey.

According to Frank’s theory, many people have historically dreaded or hated agwo (Igbo  for all poisonous snakes) for obvious reasons. The hatred extends to all snakes, and emanates mostly from  the snake’s  serpentine disposition. A serpentine is a person who is winding, meandering,  twisting, bending, roundabout, circuitous, or indirect like a poisonous snake or Pastor who uses sermons to steal pussy.

Who better captures that serpentine character than the clergy? The protagonist in this essay is a pastor. He is the main character. He plays the leading role as the hero. The only difference is that this hero is not the good guy. He is the BBB ( big bad bully) that steals pussy when owner-husband is not watching. 

From the story of Adam and Eve, Frank would have us believe that the Pastor and Serpent are two sides of the same coin. According to Frank, Mr. Pastor turned into Mr. Serpent when he told Grandmother Eve: “Hey, there! Don’t mind your husband and don’t believe the story he tells you that God said ‘Don’t eat that tree’s fruits’. There’s nothing wrong with the fruits. Eat them. Go on!”

Grandmother Eve said to her Pastor Serpent, “Oh, dear, I believe you. Our men are liars.” Serpent then said rather authoritatively: “Woman, never should you ever believe deceptive stories your men weave like spiders webs inside the home to control you and hinder your movements outside the home,”  

“Step out,” the Serpent ordered Eve, “B e mine.. Become my monkey, not your husband’s servant. Experience the freedom!”

Frank’s story shades light on Serpent’s deception. The aim of this story is to assist monkeys whose monkeys are being monkeyed with to resist pastors’ encroachments. Monkeys are advised to take better ownership of their homes and to wrest control from pastors.

One way to wrest control is to be very assertive in ordering the Serpent out of the property through forcible ejection or direct commands (“Get out of here right now!”). Husbands should avoid saying “Would you please leave my property alone?’ You do not have to beg for what is yours. Be assertive, self-confident, and forceful, self-assured, confident, emphatic, and insistent.

Frank did not like pastors.  I say “did not like pastors” because Frank has since passed on , leaving behind a daughter and American wife.  Frank and this writer had agreed on many issues affecting American churches but had  very strong disagreements  about  American pastors. It was Frank’s opinion that  pastors draw women to the churches by special magic as magnet pulls a needles, and that the women who fill pastors’  front pews each Sunday morning – under a  specific spell-have one purpose in mind: to have sex with pastors. Frank did not like pastors to trespass upon what he considered to be “my pussy’ and “my very own pussy.”

Trespass is defined in law by the act of knowingly entering another person’s property without permission. Such action is held to infringe upon a property owner’s legal right to enjoy the benefits of ownership. Criminal charges, which range from violation to felony, may be brought against someone who interferes with another person’s legal property rights.

Criminal trespasses, depending on the venue of jurisdiction and case circumstances, fall under Criminal trespasses, depending on the venue of jurisdiction and case circumstances, fall under different subsets of law. When a trespass is carried out against another person, rather than against his/her property, the trespasser is likely to be charged with assault or battery. Actions violating the real property another are handled as Trespasses to Land. Violations to personal property are handled as torts.

Under Tort  Law, a property owner like Frank may bring a Civil Law suit against a trespasser in order to recover damages or receive compensatory relief for injury suffered as a direct result of a trespass. In a tort action, the plaintiff must prove that the offender had, but knowingly violated, a legal duty to respect another person’s right to property, which resulted in direct injury or loss to the plaintiff.

Frank had neither the time nor the patience for the law. He didn’t have the money for litigation. Frank simply took the law into his Nigerian hands. “The worst offenders,” Frank said, “are the women who sit in front rows with short dresses and who keep legs ajar for a pastor to look under.” When asked why this was so, Frank  said: “ Women see pastors as gods that are visible to the naked eyes.” Frank’s special dislike  for pastors was absolute, meaning outright, out-and-out, utter, and unalterable.

“When I marry a woman”, Frank said,  “the pussy is all mine.” That was  Frank’s belief as he narrated a litany of the transgression of pastors, He decided to punch Pastor Smith.

Frank’s wife was a fervent aficionado of preaching and preachers. She was a habitue’ of clergymen,  meaning she made a habit of frequenting a certain pastor’s place of work for some reasons. While Pastors’ sphere of influence ought to be limited to saving lost souls rather than to be in amorous relationship with another monkey’s monkey, sometimes strange things do happen a times. Frank had made it very clear to his small circle of friends,

“I am the king  of this place,  and I provide for and I protect this place from outside harms, especially from bad pastors.” To Frank, a bad pastor is a monkey that monkeys with another monkey’s monkey.

This Anambra businessman named Mike O had a serious problem similar to Frank’s. Because Mike’s Nigerian wife runs to her Pastor for everything before she runs to Mike,  Mike  enlisted this writer’s help the activities of a wife. Mike’s wife (Monica) goes to this Nigerian man’s church, despite her husband’s warning “to cool it.” To cool it meant Monika should not ignore to cook Sunday breakfast before rushing to Sunday School. She should also cook Wednesday and Friday dinners on days the Bible studies are held.

Monica dumps her entire nurse’s paycheck and on the pastor’s laps, though Mike needs some of that money to run his tire shop. Monica’s car is first in line at the head of a motorcade-like procession that takes the pastor to dinner on his birthday. She is a cosigner of the bank loan that purchased a luxury SUV for the pastor. She is the PFC (the principal financial cornerstone of the Cornerstone Evangelistic Ministry.

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Mike begged and this writer agreed  to pay a surprise visit to Mike’s wife’s  church where several  Nigerian women, including Monica, served as the deaconess and stewardesses. These women wear immaculate, expensive diamond-studded lappers and matching blouses; their shoes are like Cinderella’s  as they parade in front of church in the vicinity of the pastor’s podium.

Are they competing  for the pastor’s attention? Why was it that as the pastor preached and the choir sang, these Nigerian women would leave their seats and walk to the platform where they dumped large wads of money and gifts wrapped in little boxes?. They seemed to vie for who would outdo the 

others or to catch the pastor’s attention with the amounts of money and the number of wrapped goods they drop at the podium.   

Married men are losing their wives to vultures in priestly clothes also known as Ndi Okwu Chukwu (Igbo for People of the Word of God). They are known by other names, such as MOG (Men of God). Frank said Bishop Smith belonged to  Ndi Mmo Ojo-o (Igbo for People of the evil spirit or Satanic powers).

The trouble started when  Frank’s wife Elsie got a job as elementary school  teacher  and later moved on  to be Assistant Professor at State College in which Frank was enrolled as undergraduate student in accounting. Frank made history when he became the first foreign student to marry one of the College’s professors. He was also the first to graduate with the highest distinction in accounting, and the first to set up accounting business immediately after graduation. Elsie and Frank fell in love. They had a big wedding on campus. A baby was soon born.

All went well until Elsie developed a strong interest in a Pentecostal church and joined the membership. She sang well in the choir, and performed other duties, which included Pastor Smith’s church secretary. Bishop Smith liked the cakes and pies the new secretary baked and  brought behind the sanctuary Many mistakes had been made.

Mistake One  was that Pastor Smith fell in love with a church goer. Mistake Two was that the church goer  was Frank’s wife. Mistake Three was that Frank hated all pastors whom he accuses of stealing women’s pussy.

Pastor Smith was an ugly African-American veteran with broad nose and puckered face. He had  retired from the military and he had a rhetoric that magnetizes women. One thing going for Bro Smith was he was a good orator who expounds on the Word of God in ways that had women crying and hollering.

 A few things about this Frank thing often confused me and kept me smelling a rat, not just  worrying. Frank was older Nigerian man just coming to Ameican college campus after serving as aide-de-camp  in Ojulkwu’s  Biafran War. Wonders would never end in this world. What got into the head of a friend to go to parsonage,  to knock at the door and wait, and  when the pastor opened the door, the friend stepped in as if he were a guest invited for the Sunday dinner.

His fists were clenced, and he was a stocky, thickset, sturdy, stout man, and he regularly drank the bitter Stout beer and the Heinekens as he did in Biafra. Frank l

ifted the pastor up in the air with his left hand. As he set the pastor down, Frank landed a powerful blow to the pastor’s mouth. Pow! Frank said that he knocked out the pastor’s teeth along with some blood.

Something else bothered me about Elsie, the American woman, was that she had a child out of wedlock before setting eyes on Africans she was to marry. She hid the child from Frank until the day of the wedding. A good thing going for Elsie was that she had the MEd (Master of Education degree) and was hired as middle school teacher in town. Another thing was that set Elsie apart was that she was  seductive and had huge hips, tiny abdomen and very generous breasts. Friends said that Elsie had the Figure 8.

Under the Pentecostal denomination, there is  no prescribed training for preachers. You just “answer the call” and you learn under male pastors on how to set up your own house  of  prayer. If you are lucky and work hard under the church owner you are likely to be ordained as pastor in a matter of days.

An impatient man who drove taxi and did deliveries for local businesses and airports, Frank repeated the knock at the pastor’s door. He stood at attention with right hand balled in fists behind his  back. As soon as the door opened, Frank stepped in. Frank faced the pastor, Frank lifted the pastor up in the air with his left hand. As he set the pastor down, Frank’s balled fists jerked forward from his right side, and  landed a powerful blow to the pastor’ s mouth. 

Mike has not gone as far as Frank had gone. But anyone can understand Frank. It is a painful thing for a man to work his ass off on a job and another man is sucking his blood like a vampire through his fanatic wife who looks up to the Pastor as if he were God, and who  dresses the Pastor better than the way she dresses her husband.

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Mike says his wife buys a silk suit made in China or japan for the Pastor while Mike wears  the cheap  stuff made of  polyester. The result is this: Husband works and Pastor chops and enjoys. Husband is jealous of Pastor. Husband thinks: “Oh, he smells better than I do. Perhaps, his penis is thicker ad longer than mine. We'll see!”

Frank took a quick action  and made a quick exit, while Mike, like Adam,  foolishly stood there, helplessly watching events go by. You’ve heard it said that a wise monkey is a monkey that does not monkey with another monkey’s monkey.

HAND ME A GUN: A RESPONSE TO DR. ODOZI OSUJI’S GUN CONTROL

The purpose of this essay is to narrate what happens when one is unarmed and to counteract the notion advanced by Dr. Osuji and other apologists that life  is safer when citizens are without  guns. See Osuji’s essay in this forum entitled: “White Americans Like to Carry Guns Because They are A Fearful People. “   Americans of all races do not agree with Osuji and would strongly disagree with his logic.  We the law-abiding Nigerians would like to have the right to bear arms inserted in the Constitution of our country.

A few years ago as a young professor at one of Nigeria’s newly established colleges, this writer was rudely awakened up at around 2:00 am when a group of robbers broke into my two-room dwelling place. They ransacked the whole place, scattering papers around and making away with my college diplomas and a few possessions I had brought with me, mostly baby’s clothes.  I had just returned home after being in America to pursue an education. What pained me more than the stuff I lost was the abuse and intimidation. The robbers had weapons, and I had none.

While robbing me and putting my family in a great fear, the robbers ordered us to cover our heads. They lifted my three-month old child out of  the crib to look for money, Thinking that the robbers were taking the baby away for sacrifice, my maid raised her head up. For that, Lillian our baby nurse was hit with the flat of a machete.

We heard one of the robbers blaming me and saying: “This man was overseas enjoying while we are suffering here in the country”. I was being blamed for getting an education and for the robbers’ predicament, namely, for their choice of criminal career.  Was I to blame for being the victim or for going to America or for obtaining college degrees that included two doctorates and 2 Master’s degrees? Did I force the hoodlums  to make a career out of armed robbery?

The game of blaming the victim has been going forever. Read  William Ryan’s  Blaming The Victim(ISBN 9780394722269, July 12, 1976,  Mass Market paperback , published by Vintage).

Contrary to the opinions of proponents of gun-less  Nigeria, the right to carry guns ought  to be a topic of immense discussion. Killings have been going in Nigeria for the longest by gun-toting hoodlums who are determined to keep Buhari in power, including Fulani herdsmen, boko haram, armed robbers, and kidnappers. The right to carry firearms  to protect self and family should be enlarged in Nigeria as it is done in America  rather than be abridged or curtailed.

 To enlarge is to increase, extend, broaden, widen, amplify, or made bigger. Why are there frequent reports of mugging, kidnapping, raping, and other violent crimes against Nigerians? Do not look any further than commonsense, if you are sincere. In Nigeria, crimes against persons and involving personal property are rampant, widespread, fecund, proliferating. rambling, or flourishing. Unarmed Nigerians are at the mercy of armed hoodlums. What does it mean? It means the good people are being maneuvered by the bad ones.

Why did a group of riff raffs choose to rob a man with a young family just returning from America to his nation in the middle of the night? It was just because I had no gun and was as naive as Dr. Osuji and the over educated gun control wiseacres who masquerade as messengers of patriotism, chauvinism, nationalism, or boastful and belligerent jingoism 

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The issue of armed robbery is a clear case where one uses commonsense. You are more likely to be assaulted with a weapon if you are weaponless than if you had a gun.  Accept this fact and let’s move forward.  Assume this writer is in his  garden minding his business with a fully loaded gun by his side when  Amadou, Buhari’s  chief herdsman comes to graze his cows on this writer’s bed of tomatoes, with the intention  to rape the writer’s granddaughter and carry her away. If you think this writer would live to see his granddaughter taken away as a sex slave, keep thinking.

      

 The aim of this essay is to advance reasons why this writer implicitly believes in and is wholeheartedly and comfortably in support of legislation that guarantees the rights of Nigerians  to bear arms. The right to bear arms is related to the issue of being a bona fide member of the Nigerian communities. The right to live freely implies the right to enjoy the benefits of citizenship, including safety and security in the community. One who has achieves security and safety in his country is said to have awesome greatness. 

Dr. Osuji advocates the removal of guns from the people under the mistaken theory that (a) fearful persons carry guns to protect themselves; (b) fearless persons who do  not perceive threat all around do not carry guns for protection; and (c) loving people who have the sense of love and security do not carry guns to protect themselves.  One has the right to live in a fool’s paradise so long as one does not intend to be a meddler or interloper into the other person’s affairs. 

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If you mess with me, I will mess with you. While ruffling my feathers and rubbing me the wrong way, Dr. Osuji seems to reason that if I carry a gun,  I am likely to discharge the bullets into an enemy. He further infers that because I am a fearful man, I am apt to carry a gun to banish  terror.  I disagree for the simple reason that fear  is a common denominator. It is the commonest and extremely  powerful  emotion humans share with other human beings.

Fear powers human behaviorial responses, including the fight and flee action . Indeed, fear is at the nucleus  of human survival instinct.  Fear keeps mankind out of harm’s way until man figures  out how to minimize the dangers involved in what man is about to do.

  

We spend billions of research dollars before launching a spaceship towards the moon .Isn’t survival (self-preservation) regarded as worthwhile goal? We spend billions to deter aggression. As we are discussing this, President Trump is sending  troops and warships equipped with weapons to North Korean borders  just in case.  Deterrence is a war strategy.  Like a gun, deterrence means “don’t do it or I’ll fire.”

That’s why I must buy a gun, procure the  gun license and practice shooting at the range, all in the attempt to prolong  my days on earth  in order to live and let live. Just in case. Just in case  is a preemption, prevention, restriction, limitation, or dissuasion, rather encouraging aggression.

To carry guns is to safeguard personal freedom. To choose freedom  is not violence. It is an expression of liberty. Americans carry guns to maintain national liberty from foreign domination as well as  to control lawless others, Carrying guns, for most Americans,  is an inalienable right that must not be bridged. 

What greater right solidifies citizenship status than the right to bear arms? To own a gun is to achieve greatness, and to be great is to be fortified.  An armed man is somebody rather than nobody. An unarmed man is a nonentity. He is banza, unknown, mediocrity, nobody, insignificant, or nothing.

A man is great when he’s  armed in self-defense. For William Shakespeare, greatness is the ability to stand tall in the face of aggression. Shakespeare advises: “Be not afraid of greatness. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and others have greatness thrust upon them.” {Twelfth Nights}

When one feels  free and secured as a true citizen of Nigeria or any the United States of America cannot take that freedom for granted. Because there is nothing free about freedom, one must realize that that freedom must be guarded enviably and protected forcefully Ownership of guns is a way to ensure that freedom is not lost. Freedom is a badge of honor, respectability, and greatness. That  right to  achieve greatness ought to be embedded or enshrined in the Constitution of any nation that truly advances or advocates inalienable rights in a  democracy. A man armed with a gun is expressing inalienable  right.

A right is inalienable if it is absolutely essential, unchallenged, incontrovertible, indisputable, or unassailable. It is heard in the battle cry: “Give me freedom or give me death.” Removal of guns is an abridgement of one’s right to protect oneself. To be a citizen without guns is to be no citizen at all or to be in state of homelessness. We are not meant to be vagabonds, are we? I must carry a gun as personal expression.  That’s why I must buy a gun, obtain  the  gun license and practice shooting at the range, all for the purpose of prolonging my days on earth , to live and to let live.

I disagree with anyone who comes  around attempting  to convince me that fearful  persons perceive threat all around them  and, therefore, carry guns to protect themselves.  I do disagree because I live among disagreeable persons in a world that is becoming increasingly militant, dangerous and disagreeable.

We live in a world that is dislikable and cantankerous, defined as being  irritable, crabby, argumentative, complaining , unreasonable, or belligerent. Belligerence may lead a certain trigger-happy  man or woman  to Walmart’s  department store,  show a  driver’s license and  purchase a gun to rid himself of the “devil that made  me do it.” To do it is to use a gun on me or someone else as a target.

Do we need someone  to convince us that we live in a world that  is becoming increasingly ugly and that one needs to walk circumspectly in order to live and be safe.  One who proceeds circumspectly does so, not haphazardly. He does things cautiously, suspiciously, watchfully, charily, cagily, vigilantly, or carefully.  It is increasingly necessary to protect  myself with a gun. Guns do not kill per se. People kill. Therefore, people need to protect themselves  against potential killers.

 Finally, we ought to stop saying that it is the good fearful  person who carries guns to protect himself. That’s a lie. It is the bad, fearless and  criminally-minded  man, who in the first place carries a gun to bolster confidence in order to intimidate, terrorize, frighten, or coerce others. We congratulate Dr.Odozi Osuji on his courage to tackle some of those thorny, foul-tasting issues in our society, but we find his position on gun control distasteful and unacceptable.

Let the Nigerians For Right to Bear Arms raise their voices and be heard!

By Dr, James C. Agazie, jamesagazie@gmail.com; jamesagazies.blogspot.com
PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT TO CONTINUE DISCUSSION

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WHERE DO MEN GO TO FIND THEIR WIVES/WOMEN?

The Good Book says: “Whoever finds a good wife finds a good thing”

Women are losing their good men in large numbers as you can see

Men are finding their good women in unlikely places

Ask yourself: where do happily married men go to find partners?

They don’t go to beer parlors, houses of prostitution, nor crack joints

Which types of women are men attracted to nowadays?

Men seek the worship  type you find in unsuspecting places

Why worshiping types and unsuspecting places?

Men want to stay alive and away from stressed and early graves

Men seek the adoring, loving, revering, adulating

Women in demand are deifying, endearing, and praying

Men seek the humble women scarred by fortune and fame

They seek women like the Chinese, Filipino, Koreans, Mexicans

Women men want are the humble, worshiping types

Men don’t go to beer parlors, prostitutes, or drugs

Men go to beauty parlors to women who are in humble occupations

Who submissively wash feet, cut finger and toe nails of husbands

Scratching dandruff off dry hair, consoling, empathizing

These are not the women Nigerian women want to imitate

They are those whom Nigeria women ignored and listened not to

Please listen to this gym trainer tell a story to me, you and our women 

Charles is his name, and he is a good gym trainer

 Known by the growing numbers of his clients

A young man weighed down with marital burdens came to Charles

Listen to Charles lecture this young married man

Who was complaining about his estranged wife

“My wife is highly demanding of me, rude and uninviting

The words ‘thank you’, and ‘please’ are not in her vocabulary”

After Trainer Charles was done with his regular paying customers  he stopped

Stopping after training was necessary to devote to other pressing concerns

It gave the complaining young man time to get heavy stuff off his chest

“My wife is not friendly, nor understanding, nor patient; doesn’t listen ”

An excellent trainer is Charles,  and he has heavy muscles and strong biceps.

People come to him to lose weight, strengthen muscles, flatten bellies

Charles’ clients come from all works of life and of all ages and all races.

He is nice and smiles a lot from ear to ear, all smiling teeth showing

Which undoubtedly give Charles a magnetic persona and physique

That pull customers  as fluttering bees drawn to the yellow sunflower

Charles paces the gym floor as Sunflower with rechecher, a rare choice

With lavish elegance, a studied exquisiteness,  excessive refinement

He genuinely cares for women and is a husband of one wife

His smiles and physique, for sure, fetch Charles lots of persons to train.

Wednesday afternoons, Charles pastors a church at the gym

I overheard Charles lecture man who was complaining about his wife.

His wife, the young man said, is rude, unappreciative, and demanding

She demands of his money and time; doesn’t care; seems to not love him

The word appreciation is not in her vocabulary; affection seems foreign

And she is not friendly, understanding, nor patient, nor a good listener

When Charles opens his mouth, choicest words of wisdom and care flow out :

This is Charles the trainer speaking words of amam ihe (wisdom)

“Troubles with today’s women and wives are many

They are as numerous as fish in the sea

Today’s women seem to not care anymore

As much as  their mothers once did

They care only for money for themselves and no one else

They are the receivers, not givers or sharers

Society educates women wrongly to be as independent as the men

Women are educated out of marital wisdom and never like their mothers

Where do successful men go to find loving wives?

A woman with money or education feels like “I don’t need your shit.”

A woman men don’t want is like “ I know and have it all.”

Men go for the humble, caring, submissive, and downtrodden

To find love, comfort, support, peace, and understanding

A TRIBUTE TO NNAMDI KANU

Such is the nature of an idea whose time has come

It is borne in the heart and hardly dies a true death

A woman cries out: “Where’s the body of my brother?”

There is a deafening silence as the nation sleeps uneasily

Dead or alive, the body of Nnamdi was award-winning

He’s only a lad whose message has consuming urgency

Enemies prized him above rubbles, above the Constitution

That governs the sacred  land bisected by three rivers

A lawyer cries: “Your Honor, I beseech you entreatingly

Order the Captn’s boys to produce my client in this Court

Stlll, there was rancorous  silence

At last. the pythons went home joltingly

Congratulating the Captain, the shooters:

Intone:“Mission Accomplished. Sir”

“Really, we did it, boys, didn’t we?”

Was Captain’s jubilatory chutzpah, effrontery

My soul  cries: “Fools, they are, aren’t they?

They cannot kill an idea with a gun

Nor trap the wind with a spider’s web”

Nor convict for  murder without a body

You cannot kill an idea with a bullet, can you?

There are better ways for Captain to annihilate

One, incline ears with the patience of Job

You are in the business of persuasion

Not with barrels of the cannons filled with steel balls

Not with guns fitted with bonnet smelling of gunpowder

Gone are the armamentaria days of old

When a soldier shoots, slits and asks questions later

Two, infiltrate the group with healthier ideas

The fastest way to harvest corn is to destroy it

If you kill the kernel by burial in earth’s bowels

It rises in hundred-fold, hundred-fold

Consider the quest  for referendum

Does a government Kill the quest through fragmentation

Infinitesimally in small particles?

Consider the old rugged cross

Where a man spreads agonizing arms across

In an it-is-finished mockery surrender

Only to take the world as if by cataclysmic storm

 Never thought possible by all acounts

Doth not the bones rise again from a lifeless state

In the valley of bleached, dry Bones?

You’ve heard the minstrel sing: Okpukpu ga adi ndi ozo

And The Boys Brigade in khaki strut, gyrate, burst in song

One, two, and three, the bones shall rise again

Indeed, they shall augument, intensify, upsurge

invariably, perpetually, till oge mgbe ebighi ebi

Didn’t they slaughter 300 IPOB officers in the Sixties

Dragged President headless behind a vehicle

Gutted babes out of 100,000 pregnant women

And burned bodies that didn’t fit in gwongwolo?

As if that was not sufficient to abate maddening frenzy

They filed Suburban trains with decomposing bodies

From Kafanchan, Taraku, Oturkpo heading to Enugu

They sent Paulina’s mother home down East

With the beheaded head of Apollos, Paulina’s father

Though 70-year-old Paulina has seen it all

A day before he fell to Kanu’s bullets

The 28-year-old grandson said to 70-year –old Paulina:

“I’d rather have discussions without government

Than government without discussions”

Such is the nature of an idea whose time has come