How come your Nigerian daughter is a medical doctor and your son a homeless addict?

There is no easy solution. The persistent question is this: Why does your daughter choose to graduate from medical school and her brother shames you and his sister by being ezigbo ike nsi (Igbo for real shitty ass)?

What a disappointment! They are wo kids are from one Nigerian nuclear family and they are ending up going different directions. Mama has the PhD in microbiology, and Papa has recently retired from Nsukka as professor of chemical engineering.

Both parents are PhD holders; both are successful in their fields, both are American immigrants who came here for the opportunity to educate their kids, son and daughter.

   

How come the daughter Pauline Ochokwu is renting a dance hall in preparation for a graduation party to celebrating her successful completion at Morehouse School of Medicine?  And how come no one has heard from Chibuike Ochokwu seven years after he dropped out from Atlanta undergraduate college?

A period of seven years is eternity for some parents to hear from their child. Years go by like lightning. This is a serious topic. It is a hot topic on the lips of many Nigerian parents, about children going wild in America, particularly stupid boys.

Neighbors and friends of Dr. & Dr. (Mrs.) Michael and Ngozi Ochokwu  can’t seem to stop gossiping. They ask, ”What happened?”  They shut their damned mouths hurriedly when the Ochokwus appear. At times, it gets under the skin.

The Ochokwus bemoan ever bringing their son to America. This essay asks a series of why.

As the kids grow up and approach adulthood, they forget about our struggles because parents neglect to do their duty; they do not have family meetings to discuss important family issues. Why do we hide our pains and struggles and pains from our children?

Why do we paint rosy Goliath-like pictures of ourselves before our children, and why do we try hard to shield our children from the shame, stress, headaches, hardships, and pains of life?

Why do we work hard to provide for our kids and want them to not experience hardship we’ve been through? Why do we want children to have easy life without the stress, pains and struggles we’ve been through? 

Why do we buy kids Mercedes Benz to drive to school when we rode bicycles when we were in schools?

Nigerian males are something else, so different that even President Bihari said it in a meeting of world leaders. Nigerian males are all over the world, some making mistakes and others building milestones.

Buhari said our young people are lazy, uneducated, don’t want to work, and want to depend on government handouts. Our young people believe that, because Nigeria is rich in oil and mineral resources, we should provide young people with things free of charge.

The Ochokwus are moaning, mourning and regretting. They are sorrowful. Why did they invest in a foolish son?

To bemoan is to lament, bewail, mourn, or complain. Have you ever heard one Nigerian parent say, “Oh my God.  Why did I do this? If I had known, I wouldn’t have come here or brought this child?”

The other parent agrees. “Me too.”  Chibuike is Igbo word meaning God is powerful. Wait a minute. Just a minute. Does God take pleasure in our suffering? Does God allow us to regret?

How come God seems to take credit when a daughter graduates as Medical Doctor? Where is He when Chibuike was AWOL (away without official leave), leaving parents tormented and insomniac/sleepless?  

How come God does not regret ever creating Satan and giving Lucifer the exclusive right and power to cause death and lead our sons astray?

The Nigerian pastor this writer attended his noisy church in Anambra says God rewarded Satan with excessive  beauty and gave the devil the earth as Satan’s dominion with the power to pester man with illnesses.

Does God curse parents with a gift of useless Nigerian boys who remain in America for 20 years without earning a 2-year Associate diploma in auto mechanics or barbershop?  Who will take care of us when we grow old and sons are homeless?

Sometimes, God regrets with hot tempers to the point of attempting to wipe the whole tribe off the face of His earth as He destroyed the Genesis world “in the beginning.” No one knows how many times a regretful God had destroyed and recreated the earth.

Dr. and his wife do regret a lot. To regret is a common human reaction to mistakes or failure.  If we assume that God is anthropomorphic, we believe God is sharing common attributes with man in that God forgets, remembers, have hot temper, amidst accusations of killing people he does not like as He killed Saphira and her husband.

The purpose of this essay is to put regretful parents and troublesome children in proper perspective, view, viewpoint, standpoint, or perception. You have the right to regret, but can’t overdo it .

Why do you blame yourself for coming to America to better your condition and explore what life has in store for you and you succeeded in putting three square meals on the table per day in front of your family?

Consider Naija man named Isaac Ogwale from Ogwashi Ukwu. Isaac’s dad died when Isaac was but four years old. If you ask Isaac about his father’s occupation, he will tell you, “I never knew the man. He died before I met him.” Isaac came to America without WAEC or GCE, no secondary school.

Through doing odd jobs as janitor at hospitals and medical laboratories, Isaac was able to attend a technical school in New York to obtain certificate as lab tech assistant. He worked hard for 35 years and retired with a little pension.

Isaac  brought two daughters and one adopted son to America in his younger days. The girls went to schools and graduated. The boy dripped out of middle school and refused to hear of schooling.

   

“What did I do wrong?” Isaac often ask this writer. “ I brought my three kids to help me now that I’m 87 years old.” He says one daughter is nurse practitioner in private medical practice doing what doctors do. The other daughter is a CPA. Both girls are doing very well. They send Isaac money (200, 100, 500 dollars) in mail. 

Isaac regrets his boy is never heard from for years. Isaac regrets his son is either dead or homeless  addicted to drugs.

“What did I do wrong?” Isaac keeps asking. Isaac did nothing wrong. The only Isaac does wrong I being a remorseful man.

The trouble is in the way we raise our kids.  We struggle and suffer as we raise the children, providing a love, home, food and healthcare.

As the kids grow up and approach adulthood, they forget about our struggles because we do not have family meetings to discuss issues. Why do we hide our pains and struggles and pains from our children?

Why do we paint rosy Goliath-like pictures of ourselves before our children, and we try hard to shield our children from the stress, headaches, hardships, and pains of life? We act like giant Goliath, don’t we? Come on, folks, be real for once in your life. Life is not that simple any more.

Why do we work hard to provide for our kids and want them to not experience hardship we’ve gone through? Why to we want then to have easy life without the stress, pains and struggles we’ve seen and experienced?  

Why do we buy kids Mercedes Benz to drive to secondary school when we rode bicycles when were in schools?

Why do we spoil our children with expensive unnecessary gifts (like Japanese  rolex watches and Chinese iphones) and expect them to have the endurance, strength and wisdom to fight for themselves after we ‘ve left this world?

There is no easy solution. The persistent question is this: Why does your daughter choose to graduate from medical school and her brother shames you and his sister by being ezigbo ike nsi (Igbo for real shitty ass)?  

Dr. James C. Agazie, jamesagazie@gmail.com, jamesagazies.blogspt.com

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